Robert Walter Kelley

Robert Walter Kelley, born on November 19, 1965, and now playing tag with the greats in the afterlife as of October 19, 2024, was a man of adventure, passion, and questionable team loyalty. It’s a shame he had to leave us just as leaves were falling, because nothing says “I’m ready for fun” like a fallen leaf and an ATV.

When Robert wasn’t zooming around on his trusty four-wheeler, he was firmly planted on the couch, passionately yelling at the TV while watching NFL football. Now, for those who knew him, it was a bit of a rollercoaster with his teams. He initially raised his kids as die-hard Dallas Cowboys fans, instilling in them a love so profound that they answered his endless question of “Why are you Cowboys fans?” with the logical retort, “THIS IS HOW YOU RAISED US!” But like a plot twist in a bad sports movie, he abruptly switched allegiance to the Baltimore Ravens, likely just to see if he could push the family’s buttons one last time. Ah, Robert, always the jokester!

His proudest accomplishments, aside from acquiring a taste for absurd football loyalties, included the birth of his three amazing children: Jorden, Michael, and Adam. They grew up under his watchful eye and share his knack for sports, but perhaps not the same team confusion. He was particularly fond of saying how proud he was of their life achievements—ranging from mastering the art of lawn mowing to competitive couch sitting—but let’s be honest, they were probably just trying to live up to their father’s “interesting” standards.

Living family members will surely feel the gaping hole left by Robert's vibrant spirit: his loving mother, Myrna Kelley, and sister Lisa McGrath, who is probably still trying to figure out how he managed to change allegiance in mere minutes, and his three beloved children, Jorden, Michael, and Adam, along with his cherished granddaughters, Christine and Jade. Each of them carries a piece of Robert's legacy (and possibly a few of his questionable sports opinions).

As for Robert’s departed relatives, they were likely waiting for him with open arms and an endless supply of popcorn to watch all the Dallas Cowboys' missed opportunities in the grand stadium in the sky: Robert Corwin Kelley (his father), Richard Earline Taylor (Maternal Grandma), Walter Howe (Maternal Grandpa), Loretta Hendrix (Paternal Grandma), and James Hendrix (Paternal Grandpa).

In conclusion, Robert Walter Kelley may have traded his earthly jersey for celestial garb, but he will forever live on in the hearts of family—and in the never-ending debates over the merits of the Cowboys versus the Ravens. We can only assume they’re having quite the laugh about it up there. Rest in peace, Robert. Your loyal fans will keep the spirit alive (and maybe change teams back just for you).